Imagine a wonderful morning before work. You wake up early, feeling alive and refreshed. You have time to enjoy the world around you. The birds are singing, the air is a perfect temperature. At that moment, you feel great. You feel like nothing can get you down.
You come into work and there is chaos. A co-worker is in a terrible mood. He/she immediately begins to complain to you. Their energy smacks you across the face with its strength. You don’t know how to respond. You didn’t feel upset, a moment ago you were elated, but he/she is looking to you for commiseration, for confirmation.
What do you do?
A very recent former me would have subdued my own good mood in order to match the energy of my co-worker. Or at the very least I would have stuffed the happiness down and tried commiserating out of camaraderie. Why? In my subconscious, I assumed this would create peace. Avoiding confrontation is the same as peace, right? Squelching one’s own truth so as to not make others feel uncomfortable is selflessness, right?
I have been tete-a-tete with this tendency lately. I used to think “Well, hey, I’m just good at sympathizing. I can see this situation from all perspectives.” I tried to tell myself it was me being a good listener. While I have compassion for my avoidance of the entire truth there, I can also clearly see the main factor at play was fear.
I was afraid. Of many things. Afraid of not being liked.
I was afraid of my own energy, my own power. Of the responsibility that comes with owning it.
I thought it was up to me to make myself compatible with someone else in order to create a positive environment. I no longer uphold that as a value.
I have often shied away from expressing my own truths. I felt as if being positive, or being happy was something I needed to dull a bit, for others. As time goes on, I am able to see this as a gift. I am not successful in the sense that the world generally looks for. Yet I am so happy. I am beyond blessed. I am so grateful and appreciative for my life. I am hoping that by unleashing the true force of my own happiness, I can help others to see, as I have seen by others who helped me, that happiness is not circumstantial. It’s not about things “going right.” It’s rooted in trusting yourself, in following that happiness, that little spark of doing what you love. It’s embracing the idea that you are totally unlimited. That you can have everything you want.
In so many ways, I am still in the thick of it. I am working diligently to gently explore my own tendencies and releasing them. Making room for something else to move in. In a sense, I think of being happy not as a mood, but rather an awareness. A conscious experience of the world as an allowance rather than something to contort or control.
Hello, world. I am a happy person. Nice to meet you.
What does happiness mean to you?
How does your interaction with the outside world play into that?